Rumors Fly at Vintage National
At the the recent vintage national rumors were flying about the proposed merger of Pelican Guano with the Metamucil Militia. Omar Wes Willis and King Pelican Bill Cappel were seen in very serious conversation. The Pelican drinks of choice beer and margaritas were seen to be consumed in mass quantities while the negotiations progressed. At one point as negotiations neared fruition a major stinking point was reached regarding the MM use of the performance enhancing drug (PEDs) Metamucil. The MM magic elixir Metamucil was offered as a shared team benefit. The Pelican King felt that the use of the banned substance metamucil was of no benefit to the Pelicans as all the members were more than capable of dispensing shit both physically and verbally at will. The Pelicans' recommended that an unopinionated moderator be sought to reach a compromise before negotiations became constipated. Since Bill Clinton was unavailable, the wisdom of Dave Boydston was sought due to his uncanny ability to make peace and his lack of an opinion. When consulted he said "I cant believe how full of shit you guys are". Willis asked that Boydston stop beating around the bush.
The Pelican King was then approached by the Tampax Team with a merger propsal. But this was shoved aside because Omar Willis of the Militia felt that the Tampax team was pulling strings to get involved. Then the Viagra Team became offended that they had not been asked to join. But Omar Willis said "You know how stiff those pricks are". It was decided that in the best interest of Vintage moto cross that negotiations be put on hold temporarily. However the teams have formalized a substance sharing agreement. Henceforth at all races team members will be allowed to consume the other teams beverages but will be required to clean up their own excrement. However the one exception will be at Diamond Dons Riverport National where the leaving of excrement will be considered a charitable gift to the promoter. AHRMA leadership has welcomed this show of generosity and felt it was in keeping with the No Refund policy.
Negotiations are expected to resume in Jefferson Texas at Diamond Dons Barbque, where his Dons motto is "No one beats my meat".
Balls to the Wall Meets Guano
in the spring of 2005 Jim "First American" Pomeroy and Gordie
"The Master" Ochs tried to broker a landmark merger. Neither were
known for their political savvy, but highly respected for their
insights. They felt the merger of the Pelican Guano Race Team
and Balls to the Wall Race Team was a perfect match. You can see in
the picture Jim and Gordie trying their damnedest to
make the deal fly. Both teams kept a stable of only prime
European women. I mean bikes. But the Guanos stuck firmly to
their margaritas and tequilla while the Ballers would only drink
beer and 'Shiner bock' at that.
Though the Guanos were superior on the track they thought,
no one disputed the Ballers mastery
at the party. A ballers feast would involve a horrible headache
the following morning after consuming massive quantities of beer,
jambalaya and most often birds riddled with shot. The ballers
were well known to play the banjo and hang out with family members.
To this day people wonder what would have happened if these two
great teams had gotten together. Would they now be known as "Guano
Balls Race Team"? would the price of Cuervo Gold go up with the
increase in demand? Would Shiner Bock be phased out with a fine
German pilsner? These questions sit heavy on most vintage racers
hearts. But rest assured every year at Diamond Dons the rumors
will fly again.
More news to come...